**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
