You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
