You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Who died my cat blue again?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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