why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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