No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
