Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
