Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
