Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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