mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
