Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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