so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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