I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
