allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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