I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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