i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
