Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
