there's paper in my vomit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize