I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
