if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
