I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
