Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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