Are we in a gay sports bar?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
