i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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