just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
