Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
