he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
