Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
