Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
