Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
