yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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