so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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