He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
