Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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