he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
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Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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