I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
