Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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