meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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