worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
