I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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