The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
