Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
