Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
