His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
