Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
