First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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