we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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