Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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