Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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