finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
