think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle