I have demons in me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering