i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.