i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic