my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
