I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
