If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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