I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
