She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
