Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
