Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
