first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So vagazzling was a success
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
