i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
