hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
