I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
