I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
