yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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