She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
