Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
