considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
