Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
