im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
