and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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