booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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