Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
